Ectopic Pregnancy; My Personal Story

I was getting ready for a weekend of fun at my cousin's bachelorette. As I threw snacks in my bag during a last minute shopping trip, I thought might as well grab a pregnancy test just in case, before I went on a trip full of drinking and hot tubs. To my surprise the second little pink line appeared. I was flooded with emotion, but was already running late, so quickly called my husband to tell him the news as I wouldn't see him until Monday. I left the positive test on the bathroom counter with a note "we are going to meet this one"

The weekend flew by and soon I was back to work, excited about the little secret I was hiding. Feeling some hesitation to let myself be hopefu that this one would end with a happy ending. Half way through the week, I was working and saw what I was dreading, droplets of blood on the toilet paper. Already feeling as if I knew what was to come, for the second time that year in my work bathroom I broke down. I ended up getting sent home, so I could get checked out. This time we opted go to the smaller community hospital. They did not have a OB unit, but my heart couldn't take another 10 hrs of sitting next to moms hearing healthy heart beats as my child ended it's time before it even began. I figured they would have the same information we needed. Were my hormone levels rising and was there anything seen on the ultrasound. We left our trip with vague answers as my hormone levels were rising, but the ultrasound showed an empty uterus. They gave us the hope that the baby could be too small to see and told us to come back in two days to recheck blood work.

Well... two days later, I had covid. So as I stayed home from work, sick and exhausted, I had countless hours to wonder.. was my baby still growing? And if they were, would they survive their first few weeks of development while I had covid? The second I was off quarantine, I sped to the closest lab and got my blood test. I researched and then did the math to see how high my hormone levels would be now 10 days later if they were doubling the the correct way. Constantly throughout the day, I logged into my portal and refreshed, seeing if the results were in, until finally, I saw what I was hoping for.... the levels were even higher than expected. It seemed as if I had a viable pregnancy. My gyno called me and let me know the news as well, sharing my joy and scheduling an earlier ultrasound for a few weeks later, so we could see if there was a baby developing. For the first time in this pregnancy I let myself feel true hope.

The next few weeks me and my husband felt relieved, and we basked in the possibility of being parents. We felt reassured that everything would be okay and even began to discuss names again, something we were afraid to do. We did not want to make the child more real, something scarier to lose. Our bliss was not to last long. One night we decided to go on a late night taco bell run. As we were driving home, Shawn said something that made me laugh and I felt a gush of blood. I had spotted the whole pregnancy but something felt different. We got home and I immediately went to the bathroom. There was way too much blood to be normal. We knew there was nothing we could do and I had work the next day, so we decided to go to bed. I would go to work as I was just out with covid and we would get checked out after.

I made it a few hours into my day before the other nurse I was working with insisted I go home. The cramping and bleeding was making it difficult to work, especially difficult to continue my shift caring for patients, as if I was not losing a piece of me. This time we went to the larger hospital in the area, knowing that the amount of bleeding and clots I was having could not possibly mean a viable pregnancy.

And so we sat there, for 12 hours, after 2 trips to ultrasound, one bedside ultrasound and blood work. Even as I knew the truth, a small part of me had a piece of hope that during one of the ultrasounds, someone would say "look" and they would turn the screen so I could see, there was in fact something in my uterus. But as the silence grew longer with each scan, I knew they had found nothing. The end of this day ended a little differently than the trip in July. They did not see a baby, there was bleeding, but my numbers were also rising. They talked about the possibility of an ectopic pregnancy and the treatment that would entail; testing,medication and worst scenario surgery. I left the hospital with an appointment for more lab work Monday and a D and C scheduled Tuesday. If my numbers were rising, I would need the D and C to determine if I was miscarrying.

Monday came and my hormone levels were still high, so they suggested I go through with the D and C. After it was complete, the doctor that performed it told me "I do not think it was ectopic.” That was enough for me to believe it. I was also told bleeding was not a normal sign bu many professionals throughout my trips to the hospital . So when I continued to have a little pain the following week I brushed it off, thinking it was soreness from my procedure. I also did not think anything of not hearing from anyone regarding the answer. I figured no news was good news. Shawn and I did our best to go back to our regular routine and to begin healing from our second loss.

It was the second week in December, exactly one week after my procedure and for some reason after work I decided to get Taco bell on the way home, opting out of making dinner. As I took my first bite of my taco I had an intense sharp pain in my lower abdomen. I winced and slowly made my way to the bathroom thinking maybe that would help the pain. After several painful minutes I convinced my self I must be severely constipated from the anesthesia and sent my husband to the store to get me an enema. I called my mom and she came over for moral support. After doing the enema and then very painfully releasing it, I felt no better and decided I was going to go bed and hope I felt better in the morning. My mom and Shawn both said absolutely not, you need to go to the hospital.

After arguing with both of them, I reluctantly and slowly made it down the stairs. The second I made it down, I felt a severe wave of nausea and asked my mom to quickly grab a bag. She ran over with one just in time for me to vomit both in the bag and all over her shoes. I continued to throw up until I all of sudden I felt weak, I leaned back on the couch and i heard a ringing in my ears. Over the ringing i could hear muffled voices of my mom and Shawn asking if i was okay, I had thought I was responding but I was not. When I came back to reality, my husband had already called 911 and they were on their way. I now felt like myself again. The pain was completely gone and I began to tell both of them I did not need to go to the hospital. I must have vagaled. Neither of them were convinced and they insisted I go to get checked out. The whole ambulance ride I remember feeling so embarrassed. I felt I did not need to be there and I was taking up their time they could use to help someone really sick. I even explained to them my theories of what happened and how I was okay now. They reassured me it is best to be checked out and if everything is normal, I would be discharged.

I still was sticking to my story of how I was in the wrong place, until I was asked to walk from the stretcher I was on to the other stretcher in my ED room. I immediately saw stars and threw up in my mask, before quickly sitting on the stretcher. Shawn soon was by my side as he had followed the ambulance to the hospital. After the PCT came into the room, I immediately asked where the bathroom was. He took one look at me and said, "are you always that color?" As I was about to say yes, Shawn cut in and said "no!". He then suggested I stay laying down and wait until the nurse sees me before we talk about getting up. The nurse cam in with the same initial question about my skin color in which I responded "apparently not" He quickly went to get the doctor. At this point i had still not realized how severe my situation was until the doctor came back with an ultrasound and the second she placed the doppler on my abdomen she asked the nurse " does she have two ivs?" Being a nurse, I knew this meant surgery and I began to cry finally realizing what was happening. She reassurd me I was okay and in the right place. There was fluid in all four quadrants and they would have OBGYN come and see me. Everything began to move very quickly. There were about 7 attempts of an iv, each blowing, lab work done and the discussion of exploratory surgery. The results of my D and C were not back yet and depending on the levels of my hormones, they would go in and do a procedure. They would have me sign a consent to take out up to both tubes and my ovaries if needed, depending on what they found. A little while was sitting and laughing with two of the nurses as they tried to contact someone to fill out my health care proxy. Our conversation was soon interrupted by my alarming monitor. We all looked over and my heart rate had jumped to the 140's. They immediately asked me if I felt okay. I told them I felt fine. Soon the curtain opened and more people came in with the same questions and I repeated I felt fine. All of a sudden I felt the most nauseous I had ever felt in my life and I asked for a bag. I quickly could feel myself fading and I remember praying that if I died I would go to heaven. Then I was out. I woke up and my room was full of people, there was someone squeezing blood and TXA (a clotting medication) into me , another putting an iv in, I had oxygen on. I looked over to the corner of the room where I saw my husband standing with the most terrified look i have ever seen. With a quivering voice he said "Char" I tried to reach my hand out to him and comfort him saying “I’m okay!”, when he knew at that moment I was far from it.

I later found out that my blood pressure had dropped to the 60's and my heart rate increased to the 150's, I had passed out and they were sternal rubbing me but I was not waking up at first. Even after knowing I had passed out, and the state I was in, I did not realize the severity of my situation and began asking one of the many nurses that was working on me if one of my friends from nursing school that worked in the ED could come visit. They politly said not right now and rushed me to surgery.

When I woke up I was told that I had an ectopic pregnancy in my left fallopian tube and the tube had ruptured. They had to remove it as well as 1.5 L of blood that I had lost. I was given two untis of blood, kept overnight and by the next day I was ready to be discharged. Ready to begin the real healing. It took me a few weeks to really process what had occured. I was then again grieving the loss of the baby I had thought I had lost two weeks before. Now it had left my body, taking a piece of my reproducive system with it. Shawn and I have felt all of the different emotions as we process this loss and I would be lying if I said we were not still processing it. The things I do know, are I am extemly grateful to be alive today, to share my story. And so grateful for the amazing team I had in the hospital that night, They truly saved my life. Now am able to laugh at the fact that I was literally bleeding to death and was performing an enema on myself and how appalled I was that I was taken in an ambulance. I recall thinking “everyone is looking at me because I look too healthy to be brought in to the ED by ambulance.” They were probaley really thinking “wow that girl looks like crap! is she okay?” I have definitely realized that I should always listen to my body and the pain I am feeling and that it is better to get checked out even if it is nothing. We have been cleared to try to start our family again, but we have yet to clear ourselves emotionally. We are working on healing ourselves so we can best take on our next chapter and open are hearts to loving another baby when the time comes.

Thank you for taking the time to

read my very personal story. If you have any questions or have gone

through something similar and need someone to talk to, my messages are always open ❤️