Basking in the Quiet

I have been taking a little haitus from writing. Not because of lack of desire, but due to lack of words. The whirlwind of the past few months has left me stunned, struggling to put together the words I feel.

I could talk about the facts, the testing, the clear to try for a baby, the quick change from green light to stop; and the little miracle that found it's way into my uterus in those mere two days.

I could talk about how this is the furthest I've ever been pregnant and the many symptoms I have been experiencing these past months.

But when I think about how I'm feeling, I draw a blank.

For a while, there was so much unknown with the waiting and testing, my thoughts came out a jumbled mess.

But ever since I saw that heartbeat on the screen, for the very first time in 4 pregnancies, I've had a calmness wash over me.

And with each week that we get alittle bit further, the peace becomes so vast, nothing else matters.

It is so easy to write about despair, grief, trauma; my emotions flow onto the paper.

But tranquility?

I'm working on that one.

So in my silence, know I am still here, basking in the quiet.